In the spirit of being honest

One thing people can count on when they walk into my shop is honesty. Whether it’s regarding the item they are trying on or a chit chat about life in general. I’ve always been very open, sharing my personal life & journey through motherhood on Frankie & Dandelion. There is always a little battle going on in my head before posting something intimate “is it too much information? / Am I overloading them?”. However I always come back to the thought that it might reach someone who on that particular day just needs to see something relatable. Something “normal”. Something that is real life and not a photo-shopped glossy marketing product. I know myself I love seeing the likes of Constance Hall & Sophie Cachia pop up in my newsfeed or stalk their snapchats.

So, deep breath, here it is. My most honest post yet.

I love being a mum. Seriously, my heart could burst with the fullness Flynn brings to my life in only a way a fellow parent can understand. I talk to so many women on a day to day basis and there is always an invisible bond between Mum’s. There is just something there in that love that you can’t possibly understand until you have your own little human. It’s glorious. It’s eye opening. And it’s bloody hard.

Some days I finish the night with a smile and chew my husband’s ear off with stories of whatever has filled my day. Other times I’m in bed the second Flynn is down for the night. Curled up under the quilt, watching The Block and consoling myself with chocolate. More and more often lately the latter has happened. Complete with panic attacks and heart palpitations.

You see I am a workaholic. I am also a perfectionist and stress head. Combine those with trying to juggle a full time business, a three year old and running a household. Well, let’s just say there’s not a lot of “Tess time” as my naturopath delicately put it in her office last week. I also have numerous health conditions that affect my immune system and hormone balance. All of that is a recipe for anxiety.

It all came to a crash a few weeks ago when my husband was away for the week for work. My anxiety and stress was at an all-time high and I felt the full force of some truly horrible panic attacks through those five nights.

It was then that I knew I couldn’t keep soldiering on alone. That pushing myself to the limit wasn’t helping anyone. So I sought help. I told people what I’d been too scared to say out loud for weeks.

There isn’t a magic solution but I am now on the right path again. One step at a time I’m feeling better and making sure I put time aside for some self-care. Flynn and I took the day off on Monday to spend his birthday together away in Mildura. It was exactly what we both needed.

I’m not sharing this for any sympathy or consoling. I’m a strong-ass boss lady who has the self-belief that I will be OK. But I also know what it feels like to be scraping the bottom of the energy jar. Trying to be everything for everyone. And if that’s relatable to anyone reading this post (Mum or not) I encourage you to take control. Talk to those around you. See your GP. See your naturopath. See your girlfriends. Do whatever it takes, cry your eyes out to whoever you need to feel better. Surround yourself with only the most loving, caring and understanding people. Perhaps you’ve already done that. Perhaps you are already taking your own path to feeling better. Perhaps it’s just nice once in a while to see a real person through the computer. Someone to relate to. Someone who happily puts her hand up and admits that she is far from perfect.

Big love,

Tess x